


The Things They Lost

by FangirlKing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, Evil Lucius Malfoy, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Good Draco Malfoy, Good Severus Snape, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Recreational Drug Use, Starvation, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:29:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28723635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlKing/pseuds/FangirlKing
Summary: Harry reads his Dads old journal and finds some things out about his parents he wasn't expecting. Like Lily Potter wasn't really his mum. Chaos
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter & Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 47





	1. Sirius Helps

Sirius stared at the respected man in front of him. The man Sirius had always kind of seen on a pedisole of greatness, he could do no wrong. Perhaps because his blasted mother and father always said he was a crackpot and spoke of him with disdain. Sirius wanted to respect this man in this moment, he really did. “I’m sorry, Headmaster. But I don’t have any idea what my feelings towards my relationship with James Potter has anything to do with my academics and schooling.”

“Sirius, my boy, unrequited love with a close friend at your age can be very difficult to handle. It can affect your long term health and your ability to learn.” Dumbledore said in the fatherly calm voice he always got.

“I am not in love with James!” Sirius yelled standing up from his seat and slamming his hands on the table. His breath was heavy, as though he had just gotten finished with a marathon.

“It is okay, my boy, I am not accusing you of anything. I am merely offering myself as an ear to express yourself to. Though I do have to remind you that should another stunt happen like the one at the end of last term you will be expelled. I’d hate to do that to such a fine young man as you.” Dumbledore sighed.

Sirius took a calming breath. “Thank you for the offer, sir. I’ll keep that in mind. May I be excused?” His fists were still clenched and his back was straight as a rod, but he tried his best to replicate the manners his mother had taught him. 

As he walked through the halls of the castle he contemplated his behavior. He had never not felt comfortable talking to the headmaster before. Hell, he had weekly tea visits with the man, tea visits that were really supposed to be detentions. Perhaps it was the trauma from his summer break. No matter what he might claim, he knew full well that running away or being disowned or whatever the hell that was, was a trauma. Or maybe it was the topic. No matter how you looked at it, him being gay and in love with James Potter was bad. James loved his parents and his family, even if he could return the feelings, James had a responsibility to them to get married and have babies to continue the Potter line as a Pureblood wizard. 

Wait. He could swear he heard someone crying in that empty classroom. He peeked his head in. “Evans?”

She hastily tried to wipe the tears away, but it was too late. He had seen too much. He entered the room and sat next to her without a word. 

“Go ahead. Laugh at me for being girly and weak.”

“I’m not going to laugh at you, Evans. You are the strongest, scariest girl I know. If you’re crying it must be for a good reason. Family troubles?” Sirius said staring straight ahead, away from her.

“Something like that…”

“I know a fair bit about how that can feel. I’m sorry. Why are you here? Dealing with it alone? I thought that Remus and Snivellus… I mean Snape… I thought they were your friends. I’m sure either one of them would be more than happy to be here with you as a source of comfort and support.” Sirius said, biting his lip. He wasn’t good at this whole comforting thing. That was more James and Remus’s forte.

“Remus has been super stressed out. I can tell. I couldn’t burden him with this. And Severus… Snape and I are no longer friends.” Lily admitted.

“Wow… I knew things were going to be rough when he called you a mudblood. But to completely end the friendship. I can’t… I’m sorry.” Sirius said.

“It’s fine… we were just different people in the end.” 

“Oh, don’t give me that crap.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “If all your relationships were with people that were the same, they would be boring and the world would never progress. You honestly think Remus and I could ever be the same. Or me and Peter. You didn’t break because you were different. You broke because you are strong and he is weak.”

“Don’t start…”

“I’m not saying it to be mean. I’m weak in the same way. But when it comes down to it. He’s not going to fight for himself, he is letting those guys push him around. He hangs out with them because it’s the easy thing to do. Because he can’t stand to be alone. You can’t support it because you are too strong to ever be able to do that.” Sirius clarified. 

“I loved him.” Lily admitted looking down at her hands. Her tears were silent now but they still fell from her slightly red cheeks.

Sirius sucked in a shocked breath but didn’t say anything, at least right away. He took a deep breath. “The world is a very cruel place. There are many who love and aren’t loved back. You, Lily Evans aren’t one of them. I’ll be damned if I let you destroy yourselves because you’re different and he’s weak.”

“And what do you suppose I do, Black?”

“You… you… I’ll help you okay. I’ll help you make it work. Just don’t tell James… or Remus. James will kill me, talk about breaking the bro code.” Sirius sighed.

“I… if you’re sure. I don’t really understand why you would want to help me. But I won’t refuse. What do I do first?”

“Talk to him… tell him that he hurt you. That he has to earn your trust back. But you miss him, and you’re willing to let him try.” Sirius instructed.


	2. Harry Likes Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gets to read his dads old school journal.

Harry felt disconnected. With most of the school believing him to be crazy, or a murderer; he felt very alone. And his dreams left a strange erre feeling with him. And after spending some actual time with Sirius he missed his godfather constantly, it was an ache that wouldn’t leave him. Even his friends, who would never willingly leave his side, had prefect duties to complete.

“Harry?” Hermione interrupted his thoughts. He smiled at her, though it might have come out as more of a whence then he would have liked. “I know things are kind of hard right now. But they’ll get better, and until then. You can rely on me to have your back.”

“I’m sorry for being such a downer, Hermione. You’re amazing, you know that.” Harry gives her a real smile, it’s sad but it’s also real.

“I’m about to be even more amazing. I know you don’t like books the way I do. But I think you’ll like this one.” She hands him a thick leather bound book. It looks worn and used, not the kind of thing you’d get at a store unless it's second hand. 

“What is it?” Harry asked, taking it from her and examining it closer.

“It’s a journal, I found it at Grimland Place. It belonged to your father when he was at school. I snuck it away when no one was looking. I figured that the order wouldn’t be so into you having a record of stuff that went down during the last war. I didn’t read anything but the first entry, but it looks like your father took detailed notes.” Hermione shrugged.

“My father…” Harry trailed off in awe. 

“You should read it tonight as Ron and I do our prefect rounds.” Hermione said while walking away.

***November 4, 1976

Damn that Snape. I hate him. I hate him so bloody much. Why couldn’t he keep his bloody abnormally large nose out of my fucking business. That damn asshole fucktard cornered me and made me meet him. He brought Evans and Sirius with him. Sirius was confused, but seemed to be intrigued enough to stay. Oh how I wish he had left, or that Snape would have just confronted me in private. Okay so in his defence I have been flirting and asking out his girlfriend since 3rd year. So he did have a good reason to be angry at me. He came up to me and said, “Hey, Potter. How about you tell your best friend the truth. You don’t love Lily Evans at all.”

Sirius had rolled his eyes, “Snape, he didn’t know you and Lily were dating. Take a chill pill. I’ll make him back off.”

“This isn’t about Lily and I, this is about the two of you. And how Potter is in love with you.” Snape had snapped back. I remember vividly Sirius’s back straightening and the rest of his body completely freezing. Evan’s eyes widened in surprise, but that was as far as the reaction went.

“Very funny Snape.” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“For someone who preaches equality and open mindedness, you sure seem to be against homosexuality.” Snape accused me.

“It’s not like that!” I snapped. I remember feeling helpless.

“Your right, it’s not about being gay. You fully recognize that you are. No, it’s about your family. You can’t settle down with the man you love because then you could never have children, you could never continue the Potter name. So you pretend like you aren’t completely in love with your best friend and you flirt with the only girl in this school that wouldn’t ever agree to date you.” He announced.

I caved, my body slumped. “I’m my parents only son. My feeling on the matter… they don’t… they aren’t important. I just needed time to find someone I could fall in love with. I’m bi, it would have taken time. But I could have done it. I could have gotten away with it. And my parents never needed to know.”

Tears were falling down Sirius’s face, he looked away.

“Damn it, what is with the two of you. Sirius is in love with James but refuses to tell him because it is unrequited and James has responsibilities to his family. James is in love with Sirius but doesn’t tell him because he has to have kids when he’s older. Fun fact, you're both still in school and you don’t have to start thinking about that kind of stuff for a year. Can’t you just let yourselves be happy for five bloody minutes.” Lily exclaimed.

Sirius was suddenly right in front of me. He kissed me. And Merlin, was it good. I wanted it to never end. But when it did end, Sirius just ran. By the time I had gotten out of my shock and ran after him he was gone. He’s been avoiding me all day. And he refused to talk in general during dinner. I’m honestly surprised he even bothered to show up.

I’ve ruined my friendship with my best friend. Sirius is never going to forgive me for this. I can feel my heart breaking and I know it’s completely my fault.***

Harry stared at the pages in front of him. His father had been in love with Sirius, from the looks of it, it had been for a long time. And Lily Evans, who Harry could only assume was his mother, was dating Snape. No wonder the man hated him. The child of his ex-girlfriend and the guy who stole her from him. It must not have affected their friendship as much as his dad thought it would. Given that Sirius was the best man at their wedding. It’s strange to think that his father might have just got married for pureblood tradition though. His parents really did love each other though, right?

He flipped through farther into the journal. He could go back and read those entries later. He wanted one closer to his birthday to check.

***January 14, 1980

Lily Evans is the most amazing human alive. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Okay so technically she is a Potter now, but let’s be real. She’ll always be Lily Evans. Snape’s been having her stay with us, due to the pregnancy since it’s our fault in the first place and his place is not all that safe right now. And seriously this girl is amazing. She’s already finished her poisons mastery, and she spends half her time reading. But when she’s not reading… she has completely redecorated our house. It looks great, like I have never really considered myself a messy person before, but this girl made the old design look like a bloody hovel. I’m forever in her dept. I mean I was already forever in her debt, due to the whole fake publicly marrying me thing and carrying Sirius and I child for us. Man, I’m never going to be able to repay her am I?***

Harry shut the book abruptly. Lily wasn’t his mother, she had only carried him for his father and Sirius. Her and James had only gotten fake married, probably for James’s parents benefit. Sirius was his father too. One of his parents were still alive. He remembered the present Sirius had given him before he had left. It was up in his trunk, a present from a living parent.

Harry rushed up to his dorm and riffled through his messy truck. It took a minute but he found the gift. He sat on his bed and opened it. It was a mirror. According to the note the mirror was used to communicate over distances. Harry lifted it up and said. “Sirius Black.” Then he felt silly staring at his reflection, expecting something to happen.

“Hey, pup.” Sirius’s face smiled back at him.

“Were you and my father romantically involved?” Harry asked.

“Huh? Harry… where did you get that idea?” Sirius questioned wide eyed.

“From James Potter’s journal. I haven’t read very much, but from what I understand. My mother was just a surrogate, for you and my father’s baby. Which makes you my father too. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have had a parent. For the first time since I can remember I could have had a parent.” Harry explained, holding the book up to see. 

“You don’t have any of my blood, Harry. You don’t have my looks or my eyes. And Snape is the only other person alive that knows about the deal James and Lily had when it came to their marriage or you. I don’t have any claim to you as your father. I’m just the man that abandoned raising their own kid for revenge.” Sirius confessed.

“You don’t get to use those excuses anymore, okay. You’re my father, you’re the only one I’ve got. I don’t care about any of that other stuff. Just be my father. Let me in on those family secrets.” Harry pleaded.

“Yeah, okay pup.” Sirius agreed.


	3. James and Lily

“Lily… Are you still alive?” James Potter’s voice was scratchy and rough. He hadn’t had anything to drink for days.

“Unfortunately…” Lily Evans responded. Her voice wasn’t any better.

“How much longer do you think we’ll be trapped here?”

“No one’s coming to get us Potter. Everyone thinks we’re dead.” Lily replied. “And if they don’t come to feed us soon… we will be.”

“With the Dark Lord back, they have more things to worry about then feeding their prisoners.” James sighed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for Reading! Please leave a review.


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